Dad has a big vascular dementia adventure today, a mental health financial assessment.

Here I am in the back room listening to Dad have an assessment on his capacity to understand finances. Poor Dad. He is totally confused. Mum and I aren't allowed in. I can just hear what is being said.

"What would you buy with £2"

There is a long silence.

"I don't really know"

She is now asking about the respite service he goes to, he calls it “ludlow”, he is not sure about its real name which means He doesn't really know what she is talking about.

He is now talking about the birds. He is trying very hard to help her, to find something he knows to talk about. This morning he found a dead bird, “thats sad”. She says. She is struggling to keep him on task.

“If you have £5 what could you buy with it?”

"Look a passenger train" we have trains on the telly.

"If you had a bank account would you know how to do that?"

Silence.

"Can we have a biscuit? "

"Afterwards, do you know about banks?"

"Do you think the sun will come out"

Its really hard to sit here listening. Poor Dad. However he is still good at changing the subject!

Deciding what Dad can and can't do is so hard. He is, after all, my Dad. He was the one you call when you are in a&e in Aberdeen. He dropped everything and drives the 7 hours to get you home. Here we are deciding if its too cold for him to go out, what to do today.

She is still trying! 15 minutes in! What could you get for 50p! Got to give her marks for persistence.

In the same vein, deciding on risk levels is particularly hard. Dad is normally very safe in what he does, admittedly his favourite activities are drinking tea, eating ice cream and doing jigsaws, not inherently dangerous. However every now and again he does sometime interesting. Like the time when I was filling up the tea pot from the tea urn, Dad goes to put his hand underneath. He also has a habit of stopping half way across the road.

He does like the fire, and an axe too. It wasn't that long ago that he would spend days cutting up wood with his chainsaw, splitting it and stacking it. He now has all on moving the logs from the shed to the house. Every now and again he does get the small splitting axe out and has a go. Mum can't watch! But he has this happy look on his face, and tiredness kicks in very quickly. He now has a gas lighter to use when lighting the fire, better than matches and he loves it.

Here is a question, when in the car do you or do you not put the kiddy locks on? Dad is inquisitive, he always was, so likes to try the buttons in the car. Its mainly the electric windows. Windows go up, it gets cold and wet, windows go down. Dad gets bored, windows go up, he gets cold windows go down. Up, Down, up down. Its best to remember to check when leaving the car what state the windows are in! Thats fine and good, however if he starts to play with the door handle its a different story. Do you put the kiddy locks on, just in case so and live with him complaining that he can't get out when we have stopped. He sometimes knows that its the kiddy lock and is upset that they are on, he is an adult you know. Then sometimes he waits for Mums permission to open the door anyway. Life is unpredictable and full of questions.

The covid risk brings up so much more grey areas to decide on. Do we take him to a cafe, do we visit friends who he can't remember, what risks do we all take. Its fine when you can think, well I enjoy meeting up with friends for a coffee, you can balance risk and enjoyment. Dad can't. He likes to sit in his chair, watching the birds and having his tea. Given a choice he would stay there. He can not imagine if he would like a trip out, or a walk until he is actually doing it. Even then he will get anxious after a while and want to go home.

The questioning is finished! Guess what, Dad doesn't understand finances!

After she has left and we are chatting to Dad to make sure he is not worried he tells us very seriously.

“She didn't seem to understand anything about my dementia, I tried to explain it to her, but I don't think she knows anything!

He is lovely you know.