Dads great escape adventures, or how to have trips out with someone with dementia.
Many people have asked how we manage bringing Dad home, if it upsets him or confuses him. Dad comes home about once or twice a week, and we take him out to cafes and parks in the summer.
A great escape is a bit of a misnomer, its is more of a coxing and persuading that he wants to stand up, get a coat, hat and gloves on. Getting in and out of the car can take anything from a couple of minutes to half an hour, depending on how Dad feels and how cold it is. In fact I think he has only wandered twice while at home in Winster. Walking into the village and been brought back by friends in the village while having an amicable chat. Once he decided to leg it over the A6 in Cromford, but that was entirely my fault. Mum and I were looking at a table in the little hardware shop and Dad lost sight of us. The car was on the other side of the road, its amazing how quickly he made a beeline for the car. Fortunately not that fast, I caught him up and turning him round before the kerb was crossed!
This was all before Dad moved down to Meadow view.
Firstly we did not take him out for about 3 months. When we did visit he would always ask about the car, where was it, if we have enough petrol, if we could go in it. He never mentioned home, but he was clearing wanting to leave. There is a cafe at Meadow view that is open to the public from 11 till 2. This is fabulous for us, since we could take Dad “out” without leaving the home. A trip in the lift and he can go in his slippers!
After the 3 months we did decide to take Dad out, I think to Whitworth park and cafe for a walk and ice cream. After a few of these little visits we took him back to Winster to see how things went.
Dad was lovely, is lovely. He wandered round the house, drank tea, sat outside, had ice cream, drank more tea. When we took him back he was fine. Got in the car and out at the home, no problems. The staff are marvellous and distracted him while we left.
To be honest is was harder for us. Even now when we take him home he often says
“that’s a shame”
when we tell him its time to get in the car. The most awkward he gets is not taking his hands out of his pockets when trying to get his coat on! Gloves can also take a while, however its amazing how fast he can get the heat resistance gloves on when he wants to put logs on the fire. They slip on very easily. He will point at the stove and tell us happily
“the fire is in there” “look at the water” (water in this case being flames)
The first place Dad likes to go when he arrives at the house, its not to see where Mum is, but to the log store. He will pick up a log, tell me that
“I can’t do everything”
meaning that I should get a log too.
He will take it into the living room and look at the fire
“its difficult to know what to do”
meaning where are the gloves and how do I get this log on the fire.
After he has fed the fire the log under very close supervision, he will then settle down on his chair to tell us that
“its all working” meaning the fire has nice flames, and then
“have you made me a cup of tea then?”
He can still put me in my place as his daughter. I interrupted him when he was reading the writing on a mug.
“give me a minute” he tells me to wait until he has finished talking.
Sometimes you have to stop and thing about what Dad is saying to make any sense of it. But then that was always true. I remember someone in the village telling us that when he receives an email from my Dad, at the first read it makes no sense what so ever, what you need to do is pretend that Dad is talking to you and then the meaning becomes clear. So life has not changed that much!
He is a bit of Dad wisdom to end with
“I have to tell you…. Thats a paper bag”
