Author: maryrush.reflexology@yahoo.com

Dads great escape adventures, or how to have trips out with someone with dementia.

Many people have asked how we manage bringing Dad home, if it upsets him or confuses him. Dad comes home about once or twice a week, and we take him out to cafes and parks in the summer.

A great escape is a bit of a misnomer, its is more of a coxing and persuading that he wants to stand up, get a coat, hat and gloves on. Getting in and out of the car can take anything from a couple of minutes to half an hour, depending on how Dad feels and how cold it is. In fact I think he has only wandered twice while at home in Winster. Walking into the village and been brought back by friends in the village while having an amicable chat. Once he decided to leg it over the A6 in Cromford, but that was entirely my fault. Mum and I were looking at a table in the little hardware shop and Dad lost sight of us. The car was on the other side of the road, its amazing how quickly he made a beeline for the car. Fortunately not that fast, I caught him up and turning him round before the kerb was crossed!

This was all before Dad moved down to Meadow view.

Firstly we did not take him out for about 3 months. When we did visit he would always ask about the car, where was it, if we have enough petrol, if we could go in it. He never mentioned home, but he was clearing wanting to leave. There is a cafe at Meadow view that is open to the public from 11 till 2. This is fabulous for us, since we could take Dad “out” without leaving the home. A trip in the lift and he can go in his slippers!

After the 3 months we did decide to take Dad out, I think to Whitworth park and cafe for a walk and ice cream. After a few of these little visits we took him back to Winster to see how things went.

Dad was lovely, is lovely. He wandered round the house, drank tea, sat outside, had ice cream, drank more tea. When we took him back he was fine. Got in the car and out at the home, no problems. The staff are marvellous and distracted him while we left.

To be honest is was harder for us. Even now when we take him home he often says

“that’s a shame”

when we tell him its time to get in the car. The most awkward he gets is not taking his hands out of his pockets when trying to get his coat on! Gloves can also take a while, however its amazing how fast he can get the heat resistance gloves on when he wants to put logs on the fire. They slip on very easily. He will point at the stove and tell us happily

“the fire is in there” “look at the water” (water in this case being flames)

The first place Dad likes to go when he arrives at the house, its not to see where Mum is, but to the log store. He will pick up a log, tell me that

“I can’t do everything”

meaning that I should get a log too.

He will take it into the living room and look at the fire

“its difficult to know what to do”

meaning where are the gloves and how do I get this log on the fire.

After he has fed the fire the log under very close supervision, he will then settle down on his chair to tell us that

“its all working” meaning the fire has nice flames, and then

“have you made me a cup of tea then?”

He can still put me in my place as his daughter. I interrupted him when he was reading the writing on a mug.

“give me a minute” he tells me to wait until he has finished talking.

Sometimes you have to stop and thing about what Dad is saying to make any sense of it. But then that was always true. I remember someone in the village telling us that when he receives an email from my Dad, at the first read it makes no sense what so ever, what you need to do is pretend that Dad is talking to you and then the meaning becomes clear. So life has not changed that much!

He is a bit of Dad wisdom to end with

“I have to tell you…. Thats a paper bag”

Dads continuing care home adventure with Vascular Dementia.

Its been over a year now since, as a family, we decided that Dad would be best at Meadow View Residential and Care Home. I haven’t written a blog subsequently. There are many reasons for this, but I think the main one is motivation. Dad is not at his home, so the world should be at a stand still. Why should life carry on as normal when it is not normal?

Its not that any of us regret what has happened, in fact I do believe it is the best choice we could have made for all involved. Its more like life is different, and emotionally that has to sink in, be processed and a new life emerge. At first it was akin to a family member being in hospital. You visit as often and you could. When you are not visiting you are wondering how he is, what is he doing? (probably eating). Does he miss you? (probably not, especially if he is eating). When can you fit in a visit? In some ways this is a emotional wearying as caring you him at home, but without the physical aspect and with more sleep. For me the most imitate difference was when I noticed I was turning my phone of at night. This may seem small but it made me think how much caring affected my sleep patterns, always aware that I might get an emergence phone call at night. And that is we me not living with Mum and Dad. Mum was excited if she managed more than 4 hours of uninterpreted sleep!

Guilt is a big challenge. It does not really matter how many people tell you that you shouldn’t feel guilty, its the best place, etc. etc. You will feel guilty, with a range of strange emotions that go along with that. Grief is another Curiously strong emotion to grapple with. The ending of a type of caring roll, the changing relationship of Father and Daughter. The biggest is of course the ending of a marriage relationship. It is a type of end that Mum has been surviving through. You try having a wedding anniversary with your life partner who is not sure what a “wife” is, and certainly not sure if you are his wife. But then are we convinced that Dad doesn’t feel this connection, even if he doesn’t know the words. We can never know this since Dad doesn’t really show much outward signs of it. Very occasionally he will look up and see Mum when a carer is walking him over to Mum and say

“look its my Wife”

Bring tears to Mum that she has to hide so Dad doesn’t see them. He is very sensitive still to emotion, but his ability to empathize is misplaced. He would worry that he has done something wrong to cause tears.

I don’t want you to read this and think life is bad. Dad is very content there. Maybe happy, its difficult to tell. When you new family’s come to bring in their loved one, seeing their emotional journey, I wanted to carry on the blog so that others could maybe see they are not on their own in their experience. I would say that I have never been so grateful that we made this decision and was in control of where Dad went, the day Mum decided to dislocate her hip. Now that is a whole different adventure of caring and hospital visits. From Dads point of view, if we had not made the positive decision for him to be in full time care. When the dislocation happened, Dad’s social worker would have had to put him somewhere, anywhere. Somewhere that might not be suitable, or far away so we could not visit and look after a dislocated hip Mum. If you are in this position of home care make the hard decisions now, so that they are not forced on you when you are in total crisis point.

After about 3 months we brought Dad home. He is calm and happy to follow directions, so taking Dad out is relatively straight forward. It might take 10 or 20 minutes to get him in or out of the car. patience is needed.

This weekend I made Sunday roast for Mum and Dad. He does like food, especially pudding, and he loves chocolate ice cream too.

We watched trains on the telly, played with the fire. Nearly drank a whole cup of tea. Mum showed him slides of myself and my sister as little young things. He seemed interested in the slide view. Looking a great deal like a confused Spock looking down his scanner display.

After a few slides he looked up, pointed at me saying

“you were smaller once”

then when a slide of my sister was shown him

“that’s our baby”

Lets see what words of wisdom my next visit to Dad will bring.

Dad’s Care Home Adventure.

Its been about a month now since Dad moved into a care home. Its been a blog writing that I have been putting off and off. However I know some of my friends are going through similar circumstances, it is a story that needs to be told and discussed. This is how we got to the position of deciding that it was time.

Looking after Dad is a unique experience. He looked after me for so long so it is the least I can do. However, since Christmas, it had begun to affect both My Mum and my health and well-being. I could see it in Mum and she in me. The impact on a carers life affects everything, from social aspect, to physical health, and financial. In some ways it doesn’t matter, but then my Dad would be upset if he thought he was causing difficulties in anyway.

Mum had friends ringing round local residential homes to find out about them, cost, facilities, ethos etc. This was helpful since whenever we though about it, it felt like a bit of a betrayal, going behind Dads back to discuss his future.

It came to a big head when one day I arrived at Mum’s when she was struggling to look after some of Dads personal care. I tried to help, Dad got very agitated, for Dad angry, he did not want his daughter to do his personal care. I was in this strange place, listening to Mum struggle, knowing that standing for this long caused her pain in her replaced hips and arthritic back. She was amazing in being calm and supportive of Dad, having to hide from him how much it hurt. It took about an hour until we could all sit down with a cup of tea. We had to then admit that, physically, this was becoming impossible.

Trips to residential homes were tearfully made. This was without Dad. How can you explain to someone who may or may not know exactly who you are other than you are important to him, or that it is for a long time, when he has no understanding of a day passing, or an hour for that matter.

The social work was rang. This time she came over. She discussed how they have been trying to find a sit in care service overnight for us for over 3 months with no luck. She was also going to look into residential homes too. A couple of days later she rang to say there was a bed in the local dementia specialist home. We went to visit, and very quickly a day to move Dads belongs came.

I gathered boxes and bags took them down the day before. Staff put up a grand picture of a steam train and some of his ranger pictures. I picked out one of my favourite crochet blankets. The room looked more like a Mason room.

I don’t think I slept much that night. So many different thought going round my head. The biggest was one of letting Dad down, that we weren’t doing enough, of failure.

My sister came on the day to help us. The home has a lovely cafe open to the public. We all went for lunch. Then My sister and I went downstairs in the lift with Dad. Mum just sat and cried in the cafe. She couldn’t face it at all.

Dad was curious about the lift, and about where we were going. He likes to read all the signs as we go too. As we came into the rooms, the staff all knew his name, he was amazed that they did and that they were so nice. When he got to the room you could see he looking and thinking and wondering why his things were here. He wanted to know where the car was and how can we get this back to the car. My sister and I said that this was his room. He was not sure, kept saying seriously. This is serious you know. It was getting hard.

We moved into the common room. Set up a jigsaw on the table. Had a cup of tea. Did the jigsaw. Slowly one of the lovely care works took over from the jigsaw from us, and we , very emotionally left him.

I can honestly say it was the hardest moment in my life.

An average week in the life of a carer.

I am sat here at the end of October on hold waiting for the prepaid financial services that I use to pay for Dads care. It is the sixth number I have rang and I have be on hold now for 10 minutes. What has happened is that I have to pay for Dads daycare using the Derbyshire Dales prepaid card system, which I have being doing now for most of this year. The system now does not recognise the daycare centre. I am not hopeful! This made me think on how much it is not just a journey for Dad but for both myself and Mum. Looking back on this months events and stresses makes for an adventure too!

Mondays

As with all days I start by checking if Mum is alive by messager. I get an update on how the morning carers visit has gone, if Dad has got up at 7am or decided if he didn’t want to. Has he got dressed, and what he has had for breakfast, mostly I am jealous about this since he is having custard, bananas, stewed pears and the most yummy food. Dad on Monday goes to daycare. One day this week I had to pick Dad up from daycare to take to the Whitworth at 1.30.

I usually have two reflexology clients to fit in, and I try to have a walk with a friend. You need to keep yourself active too!

I have now got through to the prepaid, and they are having website issues, its taken 40 minutes. I am now calling the Office of Public Guardian. I might be taking my pension out by the time they answer.

Tuesdays are Wirksworth market day. I had a blood test one of the mornings, managing your health as a carer can be tricky! The first tuesday of the week, my husband drops me off at Mums so I can use their car to bring them to the market. Did I say my car has also broken down to add to the marvellous adventure. Dad has a bath lift thing that was serviced and a part was taken away. The new part was suppose to come within 3 days, 4 weeks later we are still ringing mediquip and Dad can’t have a bath. Mediquip says it will come today! We are surprised and try and work out if we can still take Dad shopping. He loves going to the market and seeing everyone. They all know him and it helps with social stimulation for him.

We decide to go, but make a hurried trip, and Dad doesn’t do fast! We get mostly what we need from the wonderful Wirksworth market, and refills on the road.

We rush home only to find that Mediquip have left a message saying it will be sometime tomorrow. They give you no idea of time, we could have had tea and cake at the sour cow!

I must admit I had a bit of a wobble emotionally that Tuesday. So thank you to brandnu for a reflexology session that help to clear my head.

I am still on hold to the office of public guardian. I think I am number 34 in the que. It is now 11am.

Wednesdays

We often have meetings with health care professionals on Wednesday. One of these is a Palliative dementia care nurse. This is a new group we have suddenly been referred to. So far it is great. If you know someone with dementia you can self refer to them. She went through all Dads tablets with us, and through the “respect” form. This form covers what the family wants to do if Dad needs to go to hospital etc etc. Its not a nice discussion but so important to do.

We also get a speech therapist, not sure why. And another health care professional was booked in, I am not sure why or who. It all gets very confusing.

One wednesday this week I had a carer, work juggle fail, and forget I had a client at the same time as the Nurse visit. Most Wednesdays I have at least two reflexology clients to fit in too. And yes if I can, try to have a social life and go to the sour cow crochet club for an hour!

I am shattered.

10^th in the queue

Thursdays

I usually manage to fit in piano lesson. You need your own life too!  We have a hair dresser every other month along with two of Mums school friends. This is big social day for Mum, and Dad. He is happy sitting and listening to all the noise. Soup is a bit confusing on how to eat, using a knife and fork doesn’t work. The friends go, and I do a jigsaw with Dad while Mums has a snooze. Thursday I usually have three or four clients to do, its my main working day.

Fridays

Dad normally has daycare. It was Friday that I had my Covid jab, getting Mum and Dads Covid jab was a drama. They have booked it in at the Darley Dale surgery, however that was a disorganised mess where they were queueing for over 2 hours. Dad got very distraught and Mum has huge pain in her hips and can not stand for too long. They have to come home. Fortunately, I was able to take them to the walking in Matlock.

I have a regular client on friday, and I usually try to do Mums feet too.

The Weekends!

These are long. Mum has to keep Dad entertained. I try to do a Saturday or Sunday lunch. And we try to go out both days. There are lots of jigsaws to be done to.

The weekend my car broke we had breakfast at the fountain café in Bonsall.  This is why my husband on the photo is having breakfast and Dad just tea, we were late! I needed the treat of breakfast out to calm down.

Dads sunshine adventure.

So here we go again, temperatures are going up and up and we have another health heat warning. We have found that making sure Dad is not overheating is particular difficult. The Alzheimer society have a helpful hints page on keeping those with dementia cool and well hydrated, it all seems like common sense, but in practice it is harder than it looks. It is important to remember that he has vascular dementia. So this affects his vascular system and much of the concerns with hot weather and those with heart or blood conditions can be true for vascular dementia.

The first one is

1. Make sure the person is dressed appropriately

Great, easy you would think, but no. Getting Dad out of wearing a tea shirt, a shirt, a jumper is difficult. He does not know he is hot so he thinks he needs all these clothes on. If he goes outside he will put on the biggest coat he can find, and a woolly hat. As for getting his socks of, well you might be suggesting a major surgery! We found the best way is to hide jumpers and coats. You can not get shorts on him at all, no way.

2. Keep the house as cool as possible

Again, easy. Open doors and windows if it is cool outside and in the evening. Well you open them, Dad will go round closing them, you can open them again, and Dad will close them. This will last all day.

Have that fan on. What’s that wind. Lets play at turning the fan off, then on, then off, then on. You get the idea. Any draft is bad. Remember Dad has no idea how hot it, or he, is.

Then there is the fire. He will want a fire, this is not a joke, he likes a fire. He will sit and watch it for ages.

3. Avoid the midday sun

Finally one that is easy. He does not like going outside!

4. Find ways to cool off

Sounds easy, but think of the above. He also doesn’t like water. To drink or showers hitting his head, or cold flannels or ice packs. So not so easy.

Then there is the hydration aspect. He looks at most drinks with suspicion. Tea is about it now, and even that it is difficult to encourage him to finish a whole cup.

There is one good thing he will agree with it is

ICE CREAM

I want to thank Hannage Brook Medical centre. They posted on their facebook page advice for patients with various conditions. I put a comment on there asking about dementia, since there was no link for this. Hannage Brook quickly altered it so there was the link for dementia, but also privately messaged me to make sure I was supported in looking after my Dad. Thank-you Hannage Brook.

Hot weather update (with links to resources mentioned in the video:

General heat health advice: https://www.gov.uk/…/heat-health-advice-issued-for-all…

For those living with heart conditions: https://www.bhf.org.uk/…/practic…/weather-and-your-heart

For those with heart failure and trying to manage fluid balance: https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/medical/ask-the-experts/fluid-restriction-for-heart-failure-in-hot-weather

For those living with lung conditions: https://www.blf.org.uk/support-for-you/hot-weather

For those living with dementia:

5/7/22 Dads Winster Wakes and Morris Dancing adventure.

The 2^nd of July was Winster Wakes. It started well for Mum, with Dad waking in the very early hours of the morning. He had decided it was time to change his socks, so he opened and closed many drawers in order to find some socks. He then looked for something on the floor. Mum trying to still be asleep, Dad decided that he will take of a sock (he sleeps in socks, the vascular dementia means that his circulation is very poor and he gets cold very quickly) maybe put on another, throw a sock or two on the floor, put on another sock, hide one under his pillow for later, retrieve the ones on the floor, put on another sock on a random foot, throw more on the floor. Thankfully for Mum this was hard work, and Dad was now tired. He settled down for more sleep. Poor Mum was wide awake.

When the carer came at 7.30am, Dad has 3 socks on, 2 on the floor and one under the pillow. Dad is unsure how they all got there. I think it was nargles!

I came round about 11am, this gave Mum time to have a rest, a shower and then get her Morris clothes on. Dad, myself and Ben, started a train jigsaw. When Mum was ready, I got my Winster Witches Morris gear on.

I think its time for a bit of background on Winster Morris and Dad. We moved to Winster 1981. On Wakes Dad, our neighbour Roland, came round with a bag of stuff. Dad was told to

“get this on Frank and follow me”

That was Dad’s induction to the Winster Morris Witch.

Soon after that Mum remembers receiving a letter from, she thinks, Janet auntie, Mrs Nancy Gregory, who was also one of my Sunday school teachers. It was a lovely letter and said Nancy had even shed a tear watching Dad. It was her husband, George, who was the Witch before the war, and Dad just looked the part, messing around just like her witch before.

That was that, and Dad had been the Winster Witch ever since. He has had a great time. Danced on Blue Peter, been to Lithuania, Romania, Italy, France, Poland, Germany. Numerous folk festivals, Danced a haka and even DANCED WITH MR BLOBBY! So you see Winster folk, its worth joining the Morris team for the international travel!

Winster Morris has many traditional characters. A King and Queen, Jester and Witch being the main ones. For more information see the Winster Morris website. And to see where they are dancing next look on the facebook page.

https://www.winstermorrisdancers.org/

His last Wakes where he was the witch, he had an Padawan. He knew he could not do it any more, so I came with him. We processed up the main street together and danced up to the market house.

 Then, very quietly, Dad gave me his witches broom. In so doing, passed down the mantle of Winster Witch to his daughter. I don’t know how many noticed, but for Dad and the 40 years of being the Witch, it was a big emotional moment for our family. For the rest of the Wakes, he sat watching and telling me when I had got it wrong. I even had to have broom wealing lessons!  The character of Witch has been personally past down from villager to villager and to Daughter too.

Coming back to this year. It was my first real Winster Witch Wakes on my own, due to the break forced on the village by covid.

Dad was in a wheelchair with my Husband, Ben. He watched the procession, and then came and sat with Mum. Mum played the recorder with the rest of the band. Dad was still up to a bit of witching tomfoolery, beer drinking, ice cream and burger eating. Eventually he had had enough. Ben and I took him home so that Mum can carry on with the Morris band. Ben and I settled Dad down with a cuppa and put steam trains on the tv. I rejoined the Morris. Ben and Dad had a snooze, and then did a jigsaw.

As a family I would like to say thankyou to Winster village folk. So many of you came and said hello to Dad. He might not know who you are, but he loves talking to people. So don’t worry if he doesn’t know you or your name, lets face it he was never good with names! Just say hello and who you are, maybe where you know him from. Thats all is needed.

17/06/22 Dad adventure to meet his MP, Mum’s vaccination adventure.

This is more of a Mums grand vaccination adventure than Dads. Dad, being over 75, has had 4 vaticinations for Covid. Mum can not get the 4^th because she is not old enough. This has got my Mum concerned, as it leaves the question of what happens to Dad if she becomes ill. Even a slight decrease in Mum’s ability would impact on Dad, who does need 24/7 attention. He does not eat or drink without copying someone. The morning care call for half an hour would carry on.

Any respite or care home would not want to admit someone who has had close contact with Covid. And, if there was a room available in a home, he would be isolated. This would mean someone would have to isolate with him. He tends to wander to look for Mum when left on his own, and needs constant help to eat, drink, wash etc.

If he was in hospital, all the same problems will occur, Dad would need 1:1 attention all the time. This is not really what the hospital set up would be for anyway.

We have really tried to get Mum the 4^th jab. Rang the GP, the Covid helpline, Walk in clinics. Tried to get it privately too. All avenues where saying that it makes logical sense for her to have it, however, it just was not possible under the Gov. guidelines. So the next step was to ask the Gov what to do. Hence requesting for a surgery with our MP, Sarah Dines.

The meeting was in Hathersage, about 30mins away. I came to pick them up, as I entered the house I was greeted with the discussion though of how to sit on the toilet and what to do on the toilet. Life with dementia does quickly come down to the nitty gritty of basic need! You can’t be shy about these things!

Dad was very unsure about where we were going. He had the normal questions

“Where are we going”

“to talk to your MP Dad” I don’t think he knew what a MP was.

“What’s that?”

“We are going to talk to a lady Dad”

“Does she know we are coming”

“yes”

“Where are we going, does she know the way?”

“Its a Hathersage”

“Is it far? Do we have enough petrol?”

We have 50 minutes to get there, find a parking spot, get Dad in and out of the car. Nothing can be done quickly. It takes a bit of pushing from Mum and pulling from me to get Dad to the car. Its amazing how nimbly he can get into the car compared to Mum (don’t tell her I said that) as long as he works out it’s best done leg first, not head first.

When in the car the questions actually stop! He is looking out the window at the buses and lorries and trees. To say that he has walked all over the Peak Park all of his life, you have to wonder if he remembers any of scenery at all.

He did get excited when we passed any petrol station.

“We could be petrol from there”

“We have enough petrol today Dad, don’t worry”

We park a short distance way. It takes a moment to get out of the car. Dad is not sure about walking, but its not far to the centre Hathersage.

Sarah listens to our story. Asks about Dads history. Sees that Mum is missing out on singing and other social activities since she is worried about contact with Covid. She talks about contacting the relevant Gov. departments and Sajid Javid MP. She understand just how important partners who care for loved ones are, and that the care workers are also so important too. Dad is worried that our car might disappear. They get him a cup of tea which he drinks, its a hot day! We thank Sarah for her time, and suggest that she comes to Winster carnival.

Dad wants to make sure the car is still where we left it. He likes the journey back down the A6. We get him to day care in time for his lunch, Mum goes home for a sleep.

Dads Hearing Aid adventure. 13/6/22

Dad has been getting more and more difficult to understand. He is talking, but using words that don’t make sense. He is not responding as much when you being talk too him either. Now this could be for many reasons. He is very dyslexic, and could easily be muddling words up due to this.

It is interesting to know that dyslexia is not taken in to account by the dementia specialists. Having sat in on many of Dads tests I know that I would be on the dementia scale. From a dyslexia test I have no short term memory. It would make an interesting study to see if there is any link, or any way for them to understand the difference!

Dad has hearing aids. There has been studies to show that there is a direct link between hearing loss and dementia. So we set about getting Dad a hearing test. This is not as easy as you would think. After many telephone calls we eventually got a hearing aid check up locally, he does panic on long journeys, and to him a long time is more than 20 minutes or so. Apparently Dad has lots of wax and this was clogging up the aids and his ears which may affect his hearing ability.

The next problem was getting Dads ears cleaned. That took a few more telephone calls to different places. Eventually he did go to Youlgreave surgery.

The easiest appointment to get was to have new moulds made. On Monday I took Dad to the Whitworth hospital to for this. I came up to collect him early. It takes about 15 minutes now to get him in the car, and that is on top of getting him ready to go out. I explain that we are going out to have someone look at his ears. He mishears ears. I have to repeat and point to his ears. He then is worried.

“how we are going to get there?”

“ I am going to drive you down to the Whitworth”

“where is it?”

“Just down the hill Dad, the Whitworth Hospital” This was a mistake to mention hospital.

“Where? Am I staying? Is it far? Will you leave me?”

“Its not far, you will be coming home afterwards, I will not leave you, I will come in with you!

“in whos car?”

“My car, the blue one,”

“do you have enough petrol?”

“yes”

“where are we going?” I have learnt not to mention hospital.

“The whitworth so someone can look at your ears”

These questions carry on for a bit. Dad can not question and walk at the same time and we need to go. I take Dads hand and manage to get him to the correct car. The questions continue all the way down the hill. Just stay calm and answer each question.

We park and have to walk a small distance.

“Is it far, my leg hurt”

“Not far Dad just to that door”

Dad has to read every sign. He is concerned that He hasn’t got a mask. I register us in and go to the audiological waiting area of 3 chairs. Dad is still reading signs. We have to hand sanitize, since there is a sign.

He then tells me that

“we have them at home, wooden ones that go up to the place. They stop you flying” I am looking round trying to work out what stops you flying and is wood. Its always a good guessing game, and it helps if you can try and think like Dad. Eventually I go with

“those are hand rails”

“yes, they stop you from flying, they are very useful”

Dad is very good while having the putty in his ears. He really doesn’t like it but sits there and lonely try s to pull it out once. He tells the audiologist who I am and that his brain isn’t working properly. We book a hearing test and make our way out, again reading every sign he can find.