Month: December 2021

Today the family had an early Christmas Day day.  Mum and Dad arrived in Wirksworth, they got settled down with a cuppa, then my sister and her partner came.  Dad was very happy to see both his daughters in the same place, and not in that computer thingy either!

Dad’s presents had a warmth theme.  My sister can sew beautifully and she had created a hot water bottle cover.  Dad was pleased, we got a detailed description of how he makes his two hot water bottles for his bed.

“we can take this home and you fill up the hot making device, hold this thing carefully, then pour in the hot stuff, you need to be very careful.”

The next present was exciting too! How to light the fire?  Once Mum had realized that there was a safety catch that is!

“What’s good about this is it has a long bit thingy so that you can reach right down to the fire twisted bit”

The twisted bit being the fire lighter.

There were other present opening too, Books and Jedi heads.  Nothing really interesting until the tool set came out, that held the electricians attention.

The problem then came after a couple of hours excitement.  When is home time?  We hadn’t had any food yet, But Dad was concerned that he would have to spend the night here.  Distraction with a jigsaw was tried by my sister.

“Dad I really like you to stay a bit longer so that we can have dinner together because I don’t get to see you often and I like being with you” says my sister to Dad

“its nice seeing you too, I can stay a bit longer I think”

Then, the next minute

“when are we going? where is my grey woolly thing”, This being his coat that we had cunningly hidden on the coat stand.  Mum sits with him, holding his hand, we, both my sister and me, talk to him about the jigsaw.  He eventually calms down and stops breathing quickly.  Jigsaw is looked at and dinner can be made.

Dinner went down well.  Roast veg with steak pie, Dad was concerned about my sisters drink, it looked funny.  He tried a bit, it was fizzy, he kept this drink, its nicer than water thankyou. Pepsi max is a little bit sweeter than water!

After dinner it was game time. Do you know the more simple the game the more competitive and tactical the game can become? This game involved flipping marbles from one tringle area to another.  You can not imagine the complications of this game!  Of course I won, except Dad though I had lost!

Mum and Dad watched the fire for a bit, and then we couldn’t keep him in Wirksworth any longer, he just wanted to be at home.

The coat was found, bags and presents collected, and in the car he quickly got.  As my sister and I waved him off, he wound down the window, up and down, up and down, many times. Up. Down, Up Down.

He really did have an adventure today, but he likes to be home too!

The past week has been hard work. Dad is lovely, but anxious, in need of constant attention, and has got more and more forgetful. All of which is wearisome. The added complication of covid is causing extra stress. Dad gets tested every time he goes to day-care. If he tests positive then the day care will stop. I am not sure how we would cope without this care. This leaves us all with the very difficult balancing act of how much do we self isolate as a care bubble, and making sure Dad, and we, get social interaction.

To cheer ourselves up we went out to Cromford Mill. the first problem was that Dad had yet to go to the toilet. He needed a bit of movement to get some movement going! I took him outside to see my car, apparently it is very dirty and could do with a wash you know! We walked around the house to the back door. collected some wood from the wood shed, and amazingly this was enough for Dad to need to go inside. After the movement, I went through the normal chat with Dad over getting his shoes on.
“Dad get your shoes on”
“Why do I need shoes on”
“We are going to Cromford”
“Are we leaving the village?”
“yes get your shoes on”
“Where is Mum” he is still standing up looking worried
“in the shower getting ready to go out, sit down and put your shoes on”
“where are we going”
“Cromford canal, get your other shoe on”
“are we all going”
“yes, get your last shoe on”
“Where is Mum”
“She is getting ready to go out. lets get your coat on”
“are we going in your car”
“Yes, coat on”
“Are we leaving the village”
“Yes, do you have a hat?”
“A what?” “wait a minute”
“Your Hat for your head””
“where are we going”
“To comford canal”
“do you know the way” etc etc

While this was going on Mum had time to have a shower without too much interruption! Its the small things that are important!

Dad sat in the front of the car so he could see were we where going, its a big change from the Peak Park ranger and HF guided walk leader. He does like to know where he is and gets so anxious where he feels that he is getting lost.

We parked by the canal and walked a short distance along the tow path. Mum remember the time when they decided to move to the area, over 40 years ago, they came to the canal. There were two narrow boats with butty. Having been on many a narrowboat, they both asked if they could have a trip. However with a shortage of people to steer they were not running many trips down the canal. Dad says, he can steer. So off they go, with Dad on the tiller and the horse towing. He expertly turned it round at the end too.
The photo at the top of the blog is of Myself and Dad on a canal holiday. Ironically I am the one in the life jacket when I can swim like a fish, Dad however, swims like a millstone! Hobbits aren’t keen on water, unless they are river folk.

Dad didn’t remember any of this. He enjoyed the walk. We swapped car parks to be closer to Arkwright mill complex. I went in the fox and stitch wool shop, Dad wasn’t impressed but I was. Great range of wools and yarns. The bookshop there is fabulous too.

After the canal adventure we went home for lunch, and a jigsaw. Its difficult to know which Dad enjoyed best, a trip out to a place with lots of memories that he can’t remember, lunch, starting a new jigsaw or lighting the fire!

Dad was an Armature Rewinder, there is something else for you to goggle! I might find a picture of one if you are lucky.

He did most of our house wiring too. When I was at Highfields school in Matlock I was given homework to find out what to do if the fuse box got blown. I asked my Dad, he went through it in great detail. Apparently we had 3 phase coming in, which was very usual and a “bit tricky” (Dad even said this today, as I was relating this story to him). As an electrician and since we had a workshop, Dad had put in extra trip mechanisms to make it more sensitive and had a dead mans switch. He show me how to change a fuse. I had a lesson in all the different phases, and transformers too. He then gave me lots of stories about electricity and accidents, that was a bit scary. I then sat down to do my homework. What to do if you household fuse box blows. I thought about everything Dad had said and shown me, I thought and though, eventually decided to put.
“Tell my Dad”
Apparently this was not the answer the teacher wanted and I got a bad mark, however my Dad found out and I very quickly got a much better mark! because as a 14 year old telling your Dad is the totally correct answer!

and at this time of year he would sort out the Christmas lights. Recently he has been asking about Christmas and wondering where were the lights. There were a couple of battery operated ones that has stopped working still in the shrubs, these needed fetching in. When I got to Dads he was ready for a cuppa, however he was also wondering what I was going to do. Should he stand up, or sit down with his tea.
“Dad first we are going to have a cup of tea and then we are going outside for an adventure.”
“outside! but its windy, I don’t want an adventure! ”
This is, of course, what all Hobbits think, as they are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! We would not want to be late!
“Well drink your tea first, then get your shoes on.”
“Why are we going over the road,”
“No just in the garden, why don’t you drink your tea first.” I don’t know why he was thinking we were going over the road.
“Where in the garden?”
“To get the lights in”
“what lights?”
“Drink your tea Dad”
After standing up and sitting down a few time, Dad drinks his tea and gets his shoes, hat and coat on. He walks past the jigsaw, and we nearly get distracted. We go outside and do the paper recycling and then untangle the old lights from the hebe.
Bringing the lights inside we look for a screwdriver, they are all over the place with the pens and pencils, well he is a retired electrician and you never know when you might need a screwdriver!

Dad gets two crosshead screwdrivers and set too undoing the screws. He needs no guidance whatever. When he opens up the case, he then stubbles a bit on what to do with the batteries. I get the first one out, and he does the rest. He then likes to check the power level to make sure they are all flat. Replacing them with new is a bit tricky, at first he is not sure which end is the positive and which side should be facing the spring. I actually can’t remember him putting the casing back together, he is quick with that screwdriver!

We had two working strings of lights, now it might seem early to you, but Dad is very excited about lights. So we thought about putting them up, however it was dinner time, and we wouldn’t want to be late for that. After dinner, Dad and I got out the small ladder and strung the light up round the kitchen. Dad following me around, helping, checking that the wire would not get trapped in doors. It must have taken an hour.

Dad now has 3 strings of light up. He wants more, one across the mantlepiece. some on the window still, he has a list! But we have a while to go yet before Christmas so the rest can wait. Don’t tell him, we have 3 more strings of light, a glowing train with Santa on, and a Red Squirrel that lights up too!

Dad seems to love Wirksworth Tuesday outdoor market. He asks almost everyday if its food buying day, or are we going to that place. He can’t remember the words for market or shop. On the actual day Mum has problems in stopping him getting ready before 6am. We tend to leave the house to go the the Refills on the Road shop at 10am. Dad likes to be ready! or rather he has no idea of time and thus panics that we will miss the market, or not have enough time to get everything before he has to get home in order to clean his teeth before bed. There is so much for him to worry about!

there was extra worrying to do this week. Derbyshire Dales seems to be having a dig up the roads week in half term, very useful for all the holiday traffic! Any change in the familiar route causes Dad major panic.
“Do you know the way?”
“What if the roads don’t work?”
“We might not get there in time”
“There is lots to do, do you know the way?”
“Do you know the different way?
“Are the roads working”
“Dad its ok where we’re going we don’t need roads.” This is probably not the best thing to say to a man who would not know who Marty McFly is before he had dementia!
“What! Are we going through the fields! do you really really know the way? Are there roads”
We get Dad in the front so he can see that we are actually on the roads. This creates a problem for my Mum, getting into the back having had both hips done, and with the amount of sciatic pain she is in. But Dad likes to see where he is going.

First stop is Refills on the Road at Middleton by Wirksworth. We get crisps, porridge, dried figs, cherries and prunes for breakfast, chocolate coated brazil nuts and peanuts and many other goodies. Back in the car to get to Wirksworth Market.

James from D and J Fruits has the bananas and pears, Dad likes these on his breakfast. Then there is the cakes, Dad especially likes the Cakes from Buttercup Bakery, as you can see from the photo, its a hard decision what to pick . Then we get honey and mushrooms from Spring water Mushrooms. Lunch is a pancake with banana and chocolate from Grumpy Farmer .

We have to come home to eat this, Mum is cold and Dad needs to be sitting with a drink. Vascular dementia often affects the swallowing reflex, a drink of water helps the pancake go down safely.

Mum and I sort out all the shopping. Dad then checks and rechecks the bags so that he knows he has enough food. I show Mum how to play candy crush, while Dad makes newspaper spills for the fire.

Mum and Dad have a great garden, lots of wildlife including frogs, toads, newts and many visiting birds. It was Dad who build the pond and created a hibernacula (go on look it up!). Dads sister remembers him showing her the water boatmen and whirligig beetles in there. He doesn’t like going down to see it now, in case he falls in. These days, Dad can sit for hours looking through the window with his cuppa, watching the birds. They also have hedgehogs. During the summer and into this Autumn, it was part of the routine to put out cat food for the hedgehogs, they watch them bring up their first litter of hoglets. There was great excitement to see them munching away in the evening.

They then noticed that the hedgehogs had another litter, the little hoglets were still so small. Daytime Dad is seeing them looking for food regularly, always a bad sign of little hedgehogs. The weather is turning and we started to get worried. I nearly stood on one very tiny hedgehog, during the day, that was hidden in the long grass. We got it inside to weight it. At 105g there was no way it was going to survive the winter, and the frosty nights had started to be forecast. A hot water bottle was made, a box found and cat food produced. In a little while the tiny thing was eating and pooping away.

Then we had a search round. Another was found, a bit bigger at 140g.

It was decided that Dad did not want to have to keep changing the hot water bottle. He might not have enough for himself! He gets very worried about having to make his hot water bottles at night, he might not have time to get all the hot water bottles done, and clean his teeth! There is a great deal to do before bedtime! The little hoglets came home with me.

The next day Dad, Mum and some very good friends were having lunch and a laugh at 0=9. Dad likes his food. Straight after he had finished his dinner Dad needed to use the toilet. However Dad is convinced that the only toilet in the world is the one at home, and he is not quite sure how it all works in there, he needs a bit of guidance. He does know that he has to wash his hands, but not sure it you use the toilet to wash your hands, or to use the tap. And what is soap? Anyway, there Dad and I were coming back early, I got out of the car, and guess what was by the grit bin. Another tiny little hoglet. This was a problem save the hedgehog, or help go with Dad, and the toilet won! After the traumatic comfort break, we searched again around the grit bin. That is how I have ended up with 3 poop sharp little cute hoglets hogging my hot water bottles.

As everybody knows Sebastian is the hedgehog owned by Radagast the Brown. Well Dad doesn’t, but then he is not sure that they are called hedgehogs either!

Sunday a planned day off and lazy morning for me, around 11.30pm I was settling down with a coffee and some crochet, when my telephone rang. It was Mum, and I could tell by her voice everything was not right. Dad has been needing attention all morning, and most of the night, asking questions almost constantly.
Is it time to get up yet? what are we doing? have we got enough petrol? Can we get up yet? All this before the sun is up.
After breakfast the questions keep coming. Mum is unable to leave Dad for long enough to even have a shower.
“Can I do the jigsaw”
“Yes, I’ll put it on the table for you”
“Can you help with the jigsaw?”
“No, I’m clearing up the breakfast things.”
“‘Can I help?”
“Put the milk and marmalade in the fridge.”
“What’s a fridge?”
Mum has hardly slept, she has had two hip operations, has sciatica which gives her lots of pain. then having to try and stay calm with the barrage of questions is difficult to say the least. This is why I get the telephone call, Mum says she is the nasty one, getting grumpy with Dad. I am thinking I am not sure I could do what she does. I locked my cat out of the bedroom for purring in my ear, that’s nothing compared to what Mum is dealing with. Dad is lovely and wants to help, but just can’t anymore.

I go over, Dad says “hello, we weren’t expecting you today”.
” I know Dad, but I want some conkers and there is a conker tree down the road, get your shoes on we are going out”

I don’t give him time to think about it, shoes on, a bit of difficultly with the coat, we miss the arm holes a couple of times. Questions keep coming.
“Where are we going?”
“to get conkers, do you know what to do with conkers. ”
“Make holes in them and do this”, He mimes the conker hitting game,
“then we need to get milk from the shop so I need a bag.”
“is it far?”
“no, lets get out the door” We get out the house and down the road.
“where are the conkers”
“Just past the shop Dad, Where my sister and I use to catch the bus to go to school, when we lived at armature cottage.”
Do you remember living there! That was a long time ago” then just to confuse me “have we got enough petrol?”
“We don’t need petrol Dad, we are walking”
“but where do we get petrol”
“its Sunday Dad we don’t need petrol”
He seems to like picking up conkers, we collect about 10, go to the shop. At home I can her Mum on the phone to an old school friend
“I am hiding upstairs”
I can distract Dad a bit by making holes in some conkers, we have a quick game, then lay the fire. By this time we are having a cuppa and Mum comes and joins us. She looks a lot better.

After lunch Dad reads all of the milk bottle label, he talks about milk coming from cows. We then sing “A cow jumps over the moon” Dad knows all the words, I think this is a good time to go home, I still need to finish my crochet gingerbread man!

Dads sister lives around Nottingham, We had arranged for her and her husband to come and visit, arriving at Cromford train station at midday. Mum was bringing Dad to my house and then Dad and I would go and collect my Aunt and Uncle from the train station.

In the morning Dad was anxious and excited all in one. He wasn’t totally sure why, he kept asking Mum if we were leaving to come to my house yet. He knew something was happening but couldn’t quite remember what. He was up bright and early so not as to miss anything, and when I say bright and early I do mean early, before the sun is even up. Mum has to be up too, and then had to sidetrack him with jigsaws, sorting out the fire, changing the bird feeders, anything she could think of. In the end she could not hold him back any more and they arrived at my house around 11am.

The station is only 5 minutes away in the car. More distraction techniques, cups of tea. Dad is concerned that his sister will be standing waiting in the cold, a bit confused if he is getting on the train, or if I am and he will be left at the station on his own, how would he get back home, if we have time to do all this because the fire is not lit, there is so much to do you know! When we do go down to collect his sister and brother in law. He loves seeing the train, waves at the driver. We come back to my house because, to Dads surprise, I know the way.

Lunch is a take away meal from the Sour Cow. To make the occasion a bit more special we even use the Royal Albert tea service! Dad likes the cakes! Then a short walk to the Blue Lagoon Cafe for coffee and ice cream. Its a lovely sunny day, the views are amazing and Dad likes his ice cream. Its so nice to be with family too.

Dad is worried all the time, the main concern is how are they going to get back? are they going to miss the train? what if its not there? do they know the way? He is asking these questions almost contently. So much worry that you could wonder if he could just enjoy the day. I did, so did Mum, and its lovely to see my Aunt and Uncle. Dad is happy too.

Dad and I drive my Aunt and Uncle back to the station. While waiting for the train, my aunt was chatting with my Dad, she said “it was like some of my lovely brother came back. He was interested in the map on the notice board of the station, then when our train pulled of he waved and did a sort of star jump. It made us laugh while sat waving on the train.”

In many ways you can see where the pattern for these specific concerns are from. He would be the one to know the train timetable. He kept a current British Rail train timetable by his bed, for night time reading. He would plan train trips. I remember one time, on holiday he got a phone call from a friend. They were at a station and wanted to know what train to catch to get them to a certain place. Dad pointed out that he was on a holiday and could not check his timetable, but from memory he told them what to do. And that’s the problem, he vaguely knows he should know these things, because he can’t he knows that something is very wrong, but can’t quite understand what.

Games at the The Old Bowling Green

Dad likes a game. He was part of the Derbyshire Dales Boule League, playing for the Miners standard and then the Old Bowling Green. He was captain of the team for a while. He was on the founding committee too. If any of you have played against him you know how good he was in a quiet, non competitive way. He would lull you into a false sense of security and before you know what’s going on, he would have won!

I remember in France, on a trip with Darley Dale Twinning exchange to Onzain, the exchange group from Derbyshire played boule against the hosts in Onzain. All around the Derbyshire folk were loosing to their French hosts. All except My Dad and his boule partner. They were the only British team to win a game against the host teams!

Getting Dad to the The Old Bowling Green to play a game of molkky is tricky. First we have to get his shoes on.
“Dad put your shoes on”
“why are we going somewhere”
“yes to the Bowling Green to throw sticks” (molkky is like skittles where you throw a small bit of wood at skittles to win the number on the stick)
“We are throwing sticks?”
“Are we all going”
“yes get your shoes on”
“But will you have time, you have to go back home you know!” I have only just got there to spend the whole day with Dad, but he is worried that I have a long 20 mins drive to get home and it will be dark soon, its about 12.30pm
“I am here all day Dad, lots of time, get your shoes on”
“why?”
“We are going out”. I am thinking we had better simplify what we are doing so he doesn’t get distracted.
“How are we getting there?”
“We are walking so put your shoes on.”
“Is it far?”
“No just to the Bowling Green”
“What for?”
Shoes are still not on. This can go round and round in circles for ages.

We get his shoes on, have a similar conversation getting his coat and hat on. Eventually get all get out the door and walk to the pub. All the time he is asking where are we going and why, will we have time, when am I going home, will we get to bed in time. Is it all going to work out ok?

Fortunately when we get there, he gets totally absorbed the game. He likes his bitter shandy. The staff at the The Old Bowling Green all know him, in fact sometimes it feels like everyone knows him, and he loves to say hello even if he has know recollection of who you are.

What is amazing about him playing this game, like with boule, if you point and say hit this, he does! He comes second, twice.

Sunday Lunch and a trip on the Steeple Grange Light Railway

Sunday Mum and Dad came to my house to have Sunday dinner. After dinner, Mum was very tired and we managed to convince Dad that she would be alright if we left her in my house with a hot water bottle and a blanket on the settee listening to gardeners question time. He was not sure about leaving her, he worries that she will be lonely, or might need help or whatever he is worried about, it takes a lot to convince him that we can leave Mum on her own.

The Steeple Grange Light Railway is a small walk from my house. On the way he is worried that Mum will be on her own, he really doesn’t like leaving her on her own at all. The train is running, he is not sure if we are allowed to get on it, if Mum was with us he would need to get her permission several times. The people who run the Steeple Grange Light Railway are lovely, and he eventually gets on. Its a small run though the old limestone quarry to a siding and back. He is very quiet, I think because he is enjoying the view and the “train noise”, its difficult to tell if he is happy because he tends to have a concerned look all the time.

Coming back home Dad gets very agitated. Mum is nearly asleep in the chair, he doesn’t know what to do, Mum having her eyes shut must be a bad thing. He walks from me in the kitchen trying to make pudding and custard, to Mum in the living room, to his jigsaw in the dinning room. He needs permission from Mum for me to make the custard, for him to sit down and do a jigsaw, and to make sure that Mum is ok because she has her eyes shut and that can’t be good. eventually he is happy that Mum has opened her eyes to give all the permissions, I am not sure he thinks I can make custard, but then it was lumpy because of all the interruptions I got from Dad.

Pudding with cusdard is good, we like that. Then a bit of jigsaw before they go home.

A busy weekend for all!

This is my Dad. He has been a bus driver, bus conductor, fruit machine mender, armature rewinder, Peak Park ranger, holiday fellowship walks leader. He was the Winster Morris character: the witch. Helped run the village hall, the Winster guisers.

To me he was, and is, the bestest Dad ever.

A few months ago, he was sad because I had to spend so much time looking after him. I told him it was ok, since he spent even more time looking after me. Have I? he replied. Yes, then I told him this story about him being the bestest Dad ever.

I was at Aberdeen university, it was the very end of the academic year, all exams had finished and they may have been some partying going on. I had a sever allergic reaction to the cleaning fluid the university was using to wash down the halls of residence I was staying in. This lead me to have to go to hospital. After some huge steroids the reaction was stable and they told me to go home. I ran you, Dad. I left a message saying I am fine, but in hospital, can you just pop up and get me please. Now this was not a easy as ‘popping up’ you were in Derbyshire, I was in Aberdeen. However, within the hour you set off. 8 hours later, I am in your lovely volvo coming back to Derbyshire.

So Dad if you can do that for me, I can help you now.

There was me, trying not to get upset that he couldn’t remember doing this. Then him talking about how much he missed his volvo. He started to worry that he couldn’t remember the way to Aberdeen, I started to wonder if I shouldn’t have told him the story, but then we got the road map out to check which motorway we would use. He likes looking at maps, and I thought that just because Dad might not be able to recall the memory, it just means I have to remember more of the times we have had together for us to share together.

The first hint he had that there was anything wrong was his vascular system started to slow down. He got pains in his legs because the blood wasn’t flowing. He was diagnosed with vascular deterioration. Life carried on, he was walking so much that his amazing vascular system was repairing itself. Then, about four years ago, he started not quite knowing which footpath to take. Just little things that only family might notice started to become difficult, his anxiety increased. Mum insisted that he had a memory base test. Friends, and my husband too, thought we were being over fussy, that there was nothing wrong and we were causing more worry by doing these tests. However, the results were there. He had got vascular dementia.

So much, and so little has happened since then. Its difficult to know how different all our journey with dementia would have been if there was no covid or lockdowns or isolation.

Isolation has been a big factor, one thing I did to help Mum with this was get her to start using facebook. Then what started was photos and small stories about what Dad and I had done together. This was to help family and friends to keep in contact too. This photo was in October 2010.

What happened then was so many people loved seeing Dad, I had friends ringing up and asking about him. Many said how much they enjoyed the photos. I decided to make it a bit more public.

There are more photos on my facebook business page at Mary Rush Reflexology