Month: April 2022

Today I popped in after some reflexology working. Mum looks so tired, Dad does too but in a different way. More of a staring around but not looking at anything. Mum is just very tired. Dad doesn’t have a sleeping pattern, and will often wake her up in the night to ask what should they be doing.

“sleeping” as an answer doesn’t always work, he often need convincing that its not getting up time.

They had just finished dinner and were putting their feet up, so I came at the right time to make them a cup of tea. Dad has decided he doesn’t like apple juice, “it makes his tummy hurt, tea is much better”

I then had to ring round to try and work out the complicated payment system that the county Council has for the day care. They do seem to like to make life for carers even for stressful and complicated!

The main task after that was to make sure the hedgehogs and birds had enough food, and get some logs in for the all important fire. This meant Dad had to get his coat on, and we know how long that can take.

“put your coat on Dad”

“were are we going, are we going to respite, I don’t want to go there”

The Respite care still are closed due to covid. They are waiting for official confirmation that they can open. Mum is very tired, did I say that before?

“We are going to see the hedgehogs and birds Dad, get your coat on”

We get one arm in, then fish about in the air for the other arm hole. He gets his warm gloves out of his pocket and gets them on no problem. However need the gardening gloves to change the bird food.

“Dad take you gloves off, you need the other gloves”

“What gloves?”

“take those gloves of and put them in your pocket, you need the other gloves”

He puts his hands in his pockets and finds a hat, which he puts on. It takes more encouragement to change to the mucky gloves. It would be so much easier to pull them off him and replace with the bird changing gloves!

As we go outside he is still worrying about going to respite.

“are we going in the car?”

“No Dad we are looking to see if the hedgehogs need water, look they have drank all the water and eaten all the food.”

We give them new food and water, add more seed to the bird table, refill the feeders. I then try to get him to move logs from the shed into the house. This use to be one of his favourite things. The fire still is. It has to be burning, even when we had that hot spell last week (remember that it might be the last we get!). I manage a few trips of log filling and the Dad decides it must be cup of tea time.

As I leave, Dad says

“sorry I not good, but I want to do my jigsaw now!”

I love my Daddy.

01/04/22 Dads family dementia adventure.

In the last 2 weeks Dad has had most of his family visit him. My sister, his brother and sister have all been to say hello at different times. I think all at once would be very confusing for him.

Vascular Dementia being very different from Alzheimer’s, As Vascular dementia is caused by reduced blood supply to the brain due to diseased blood vessels. Its the death of these brain cells that causes memory and other cognitive loss. Dad doesn’t really remember the past, there is mainly for him the here and now. This can make family visits tricky. Until Dad has a memory pop up its best to talk about the moment, how is the fire, can you see any birds, do you want a cup of tea. He has also lost a great deal of empathy, so he doesn’t show if he is happy or not at seeing you. In fact he shows more emotion over a cup of tea than seeing me or Mum.

My sister came first, last weekend. It took Dad a few minutes to recognise her. After that they had a great day, doing jigsaws together. We all had a meal from the Old Bowling Green too.

Dads older bother came last Tuesday. It took a bit of time to convince Dad that he had a brother! We all went to Wirksworth Market for shopping. Thanks to all the market stall holders for giving Dad time to talk to them and wander round safely. He spoke to a friend who he played boules with, its great when people Dad knew come up to him, introduce themselves to him. Dad always was a chatty person, liking to meet new people, and now everyone he meets are new to him!

The Wirksworth family day out was finished with a fabulous lunch from The Sour Cow. We now know that Dad likes fried halloumi cheese.

My Aunt and Uncle, Dads sister, came on Tuesday. Everyone wants to see Wirksworth Market! They stayed in a lovely holiday cottage in the village. Lots of sister and brother jigsaws were completed. Dad remembers Woodbind villa in Nottingham where his sister and he grew up. Wednesday evening I made a Chicken dinner. Dad excitedly introduced me to his sister.

“Have you met before, Do you know each other” he asks, being slightly amazed that we have actually met before this day. He has a Glass of red wine too.

The next evening we all go to the Miners Standard at the top of Winster. I am very grateful to the staff there who held Dads hands and helped us in and out of the pub. He was very unsure about where he was and how to get down the steps. This is a big change, having to hold both Dads hands and encourage him forward in places that he can’t remember. He has been drinking in the Miners Standard for over 40 years! So a big thank you to the Miners Standard.

I do remember reading somewhere in all the overwhelming information that support groups give you that even if your loved one does not recall your name or seem to respond to you, they often do recollect how you made them feel emotionally, that you did have a strong emotional bond, and that calms them down and helps them to feel loved and secure.

So even if Dad doesn’t seem to relate you, on an sentimental level he loves to be with people, especially those who he has friendships with.